Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
