could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
