didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
