So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
