Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
