remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
