note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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