My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
