Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
