my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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