My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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