what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
