i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
