you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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