My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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