You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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