Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She told me I should be a condom model.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
