i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
