MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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