Please, let me fuck your mom
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
