mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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