That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
