Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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