There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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