she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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