I could make wine with my vomit
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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