Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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