i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
