i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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