Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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