I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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