if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
