i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
