You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't deserve a penis
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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