Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
