I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
