In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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