I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
