There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
