I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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