I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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