so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
