she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
