have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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