my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
