Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
