I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
