The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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