Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
