Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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