he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
