ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're a waste of cheezeits
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
