he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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