He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
