wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
