That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
