I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
