apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
