I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
