those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize