so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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