Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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