similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
