Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
